From Unemployed to Sabbatical

Whew! Back after a harrowing 8 weeks, feels like 12 weeks, studying hard, taking a final exam and writing a term paper. In between, I was also trying to write songs and do a hundred other creative things that I am either in the middle of trying to finish or trying to start. Life should be so dang tough. It certainly is a time for reflection and catching up and just really focusing on my own self and healing. I am adamant about not working any job for the sake of a job. I will make my income happily and joyfully doing what I love, whatever that may be, whatever comes my way. I can’t believe I’m stating this intention now. How many times over the years have I tried to make that my goal? So why now?

I guess it’s about being unemployed. Don’t worry, I’m still lovin’ it. It’s a little hard to get your bearings some days, to find a focus. That sort of threw me. I’m used to trying to get everything in on a weekend: errands, fun, recreation, relaxation, cleaning, maintenance and all that. Now I can do laundry Monday thru Friday during the day, anytime. I can clean a little bit every day or once a week, or once a month all at once. Aw, who am I fooling? It’s not that I want or need a job, it’s that I just want to know that the future is still out there holding possibilities for me. I want to feel a purpose to getting up in the morning. I do, it’s just that my real purpose has never really took off for me in any validating way.

I have seen a lot of great television series that I didn’t get a chance to on cable. I’ve seen:
“Deadwood,” which was amazing and fantastic. I would love to have had a chance to write an episode for that.
I’ve been watching “In Treatment” which is very interesting and has amazing writing and acting as well.

And here’s the list of books I’ve read so far this year, ones I can remember:
(asterisks indicate favorites and this is not in any kind of order)
Intimacy by Osho*
The Yiddish Policemen’s Union by Michael Chabon
I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith*
Notes from Underground by Dostoyefsky
Persuasion**, Sense and Sensibility**, and Emma, all by Jane Austen
The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros*
The Senator’s Wife by Sue Miller**
The Man in the High Castle by Philip K. Dick
Monster by John Gregory Dunne
Slouching Towards Bethlehem by Joan Didion*
The White Album by Joan Didion*
The Abstinence Teacher by Tom Perrotta
Conversations With Woody Allen by Eric Lax*
Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde
Paula by Isabel Allende*
Chosen by A Horse by Susan Richards*
Women in Science by Vivian Gornick
Aspects of the Novel by E.M. Forster
Where Angels Fear To Tread by E.M. Forster
Veronica by Mary Gaitskill*
Method or Madness by Robert Lewis*
Passion For Acting by Alan Miller**
A Dream of Passion by Lee Strasberg*
The Little Virtues by Natalia Ginzberg
Man In Search of a Soul by Carl Jung*
Synchronicity by Carl Jung**
For Love of the World by Deborah Lubar**
At Home in the World by Joyce Maynard**
The Story of A Soul by St. Terese of Lisieux

Looking at it in writing seems like I’ve spent a lot of time reading but really it doesn’t take me that long to get through a book I love. And I’ve developed this little problem called insomnia which helps with the reading.

I’m bound and determined to get through all the Jane Austen novels by the end of the summer. I’m really enjoying them. It’s so wonderful to finally give myself the time to read all these wonderful literary works.

I believe this time off has turned into what one would call a sabbatical. And Lord knows I needed one of those. So let’s say we take this sabbatical for the rest of the year which gives me time to finish my creative project, write, read, make music, and study for my counseling certificate which is really rocking my world right now. Let’s say, I just give myself permission to do a job on my time, in my way, with purpose and enthusiasm and the joy that comes from the freedom of the unexpected opportunity to be right here, right now in this present moment moving towards wholeness. Let’s say, I do that. Good, because that’s exactly what I’m going to do now and in the future.

And for tonight, there’s always reruns of Sex And The City…and 3 books…