REWARDS ARE MISSING THE POINTS
Every major retail store has either a credit card or some rewards card and they all want you to sign up. Just try to go in and buy something like a bottle of water or a cup of coffee in under 30 minutes. You’ll never get out of there. I was third in line inside a Border’s bookstore at a Seattle’s Best coffee outlet to buy a bottle of water. I never really buy bottles of water anymore because I keep a crate of them in the back of my car. I just happened to take a lunchtime stroll to the mall and forgot my water and for some reason was unusually thirsty. Perhaps it was the 200 lb. bag of closet organizational items that I just purchased from the Container Store I was dragging around with me in the 72 degree heat, I don’t know, but I needed that bottle of water even if I was going to pay too much for what I already had in the back of my car.
I find a bottle in an open display cooler underneath the yummy looking but when purchased, disappointing, pastries in the coffee shop. I get in line behind two women, of whom has already ordered and is in the middle, or so I think, of paying. The counter clerk/cashier/barrista/super employee is asking her if she has a Borders Rewards card. The woman does but doesn’t have it with her. So she gives the super-duper/cashier her phone number to look it up. A display comes up of different people, none of whom is this woman. So then the Miss America/cashier asks her for a different phone number which she looks up and then after asking her if she’s this person or that person, turns her cashier display toward the woman to look at the names, none of which are hers. Now, how you can give two phone numbers and get a display of names, none of which are you? This is slightly disturbing and baffling. Who else would have your same phone number? One time I gave my phone number, which I don’t do anymore, I give my email address instead, only to discover I had a relative I didn’t know about. Really, there are no Menozzi’s in the whole of North America that I don’t know about or am not related to, so I was really surprised and, understandably, frightened. It’s 10 minutes and I’m thinking, hey gal, JUST PAY FOR THE DAMN CUP OF COFFEE. Get your rewards next time! The woman in front of me turns around and gives me a slightly exasperated look. Then it’s her turn. She orders some latte thing and the everything/cashier/bionic-woman asks her if she has a Borders rewards card. Then offers to look it up for her if she doesn’t have it. Then we start the schpiel all over again, with myself looking at no one being exasperated and deciding that since I am already dying of thirst, I might as well die anyway now that I have wasted 20 minutes of my lunch hour.
This happens everywhere I go now where everything/cashiers/managers/intern-stockbrokers ask me if I have the CVS card, the Rite Aid card, the Barnes and Noble card, the Banana Republic card, the Target card, the Shell/Mobil/Exxon/Valdez card, the VoteForObama card (no way), and so on and so on. Exactly how many cards am I supposed to carry on me on a daily basis and how much am I really saving anyway? I don’t shop at these places everyday. In order to get any satisfaction out of these things you’d having to be spending money everyday just to get a $5 gift certificate. Where’s the savings in that? And hey, if I’m going to get 10% off, why don’t you just take it off the price to begin with? I already have a SAG card, an Equity card, car insurance card, library cards (two), a Ralph’s grocery store card, AAA membership card, drivers license, debit card and emergency credit card in my wallet, plus three laminated prayer cards of saints. I believe I have those in my purse just so I won’t spend money I don’t need to spend. I think they ward off me getting more cards.
Not to mention that if you sign up for one of these cards you get three of them, two for your keychains and one big one for your wallet. Right. One on my keychain, like I’m a walking janitor of plastic magnetic get-out-of-jail-free cards for all of retail. I have four keys on my keychain and I know what every one of them opens. Okay, I only know what three of them are for but I figure the fourth one will reveal itself. Maybe I have to wait to find some magical portal that will transport me to some other worldly place where there is no plastic available and no such thing as discounts because everything is priced reasonably as it should be and there is enough for everyone and we all have as much abundance as we need.
Sigh. I survived the thirst and knocked back my bottle of water at my desk when I got back from lunch, happy I saved that $2.50 which with my Borders Rewards card would have been only $2.453679. I hate to think of myself as the type of person that throws away money but time is money too and I try to save as much as I can there.
I find a bottle in an open display cooler underneath the yummy looking but when purchased, disappointing, pastries in the coffee shop. I get in line behind two women, of whom has already ordered and is in the middle, or so I think, of paying. The counter clerk/cashier/barrista/super employee is asking her if she has a Borders Rewards card. The woman does but doesn’t have it with her. So she gives the super-duper/cashier her phone number to look it up. A display comes up of different people, none of whom is this woman. So then the Miss America/cashier asks her for a different phone number which she looks up and then after asking her if she’s this person or that person, turns her cashier display toward the woman to look at the names, none of which are hers. Now, how you can give two phone numbers and get a display of names, none of which are you? This is slightly disturbing and baffling. Who else would have your same phone number? One time I gave my phone number, which I don’t do anymore, I give my email address instead, only to discover I had a relative I didn’t know about. Really, there are no Menozzi’s in the whole of North America that I don’t know about or am not related to, so I was really surprised and, understandably, frightened. It’s 10 minutes and I’m thinking, hey gal, JUST PAY FOR THE DAMN CUP OF COFFEE. Get your rewards next time! The woman in front of me turns around and gives me a slightly exasperated look. Then it’s her turn. She orders some latte thing and the everything/cashier/bionic-woman asks her if she has a Borders rewards card. Then offers to look it up for her if she doesn’t have it. Then we start the schpiel all over again, with myself looking at no one being exasperated and deciding that since I am already dying of thirst, I might as well die anyway now that I have wasted 20 minutes of my lunch hour.
This happens everywhere I go now where everything/cashiers/managers/intern-stockbrokers ask me if I have the CVS card, the Rite Aid card, the Barnes and Noble card, the Banana Republic card, the Target card, the Shell/Mobil/Exxon/Valdez card, the VoteForObama card (no way), and so on and so on. Exactly how many cards am I supposed to carry on me on a daily basis and how much am I really saving anyway? I don’t shop at these places everyday. In order to get any satisfaction out of these things you’d having to be spending money everyday just to get a $5 gift certificate. Where’s the savings in that? And hey, if I’m going to get 10% off, why don’t you just take it off the price to begin with? I already have a SAG card, an Equity card, car insurance card, library cards (two), a Ralph’s grocery store card, AAA membership card, drivers license, debit card and emergency credit card in my wallet, plus three laminated prayer cards of saints. I believe I have those in my purse just so I won’t spend money I don’t need to spend. I think they ward off me getting more cards.
Not to mention that if you sign up for one of these cards you get three of them, two for your keychains and one big one for your wallet. Right. One on my keychain, like I’m a walking janitor of plastic magnetic get-out-of-jail-free cards for all of retail. I have four keys on my keychain and I know what every one of them opens. Okay, I only know what three of them are for but I figure the fourth one will reveal itself. Maybe I have to wait to find some magical portal that will transport me to some other worldly place where there is no plastic available and no such thing as discounts because everything is priced reasonably as it should be and there is enough for everyone and we all have as much abundance as we need.
Sigh. I survived the thirst and knocked back my bottle of water at my desk when I got back from lunch, happy I saved that $2.50 which with my Borders Rewards card would have been only $2.453679. I hate to think of myself as the type of person that throws away money but time is money too and I try to save as much as I can there.
posted by Maria @ 7:13 PM
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